The Power of Mentalisation: Understanding Yourself and Your Child More Deeply

The Power of Mentalisation: Understanding Yourself and Your Child More Deeply

By Clair Lewoski | Cambridge Therapies

Have you ever reacted in a way that surprised even you—or wondered why your child suddenly explodes or shuts down? The ability to reflect on what might be going on emotionally—both in ourselves and in others—is called mentalisation, and it’s one of the most helpful tools in parenting and therapy.

What Is Mentalisation?

Mentalisation is the ability to recognise that behaviour is driven by inner states: thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and desires. It means asking:- What might I be feeling right now, and why?- What might my child be feeling underneath their behaviour?

Why It Matters:

Without mentalisation, we can become reactive or misinterpret behaviour. When we practise it, we build empathy, reduce conflict, and strengthen our emotional bond with our child.

Real-Life Examples: (all names and identities changed to protect confidentiality)

• Sarah, a parent, often clashed with her daughter. In therapy, she recognised that her child’s defiance was a sign of anxiety—not disrespect.

• Jake, 12, had outbursts at school. Mentalisation helped his family see his behaviour as communication, not defiance.

How Working With Me Can Help:

I help parents and children slow down and understand their emotional experiences more clearly. Through reflection, we build trust, confidence, and connection.

When we understand what’s underneath behaviour, we can respond—not just react.

Let’s work together to build this powerful skill. Mentalization is a core part of child therapy in Cambridge, helping young people understand their thoughts and feelings. If you'd like support with emotional regulation, get in touch.