The Transformative Power of Attachment-Based Therapy Insights from a Therapist's Journey

If you’ve ever wondered what attachment-based therapy actually looks like in practice—or how it can help with issues like depression, grief, identity confusion, or relationship struggles — Jeremy Holmes’ offers a thoughtful and deeply human perspective.

Holmes, a seasoned psychotherapist, shares not just the theory behind attachment, but also how it comes alive in therapy sessions. His approach is rooted in the idea that secure, trusting relationships are key to emotional healing—and that therapy itself can be one of those healing relationships.

Key Takeaways for Therapy Seekers:

Attachment is about emotional safety

At its core, attachment theory explains how we seek comfort and support from others in times of distress—and how early relationships shape our patterns of connection. In therapy, this means the therapist provides a “secure base,” offering a steady, accepting presence that helps you explore painful or confusing parts of yourself.

Your attachment style shows up in therapy

You might unconsciously treat your therapist the way you’ve learned to relate to others: avoiding vulnerability, clinging tightly, or feeling unsure if you can trust them. These patterns are not flaws—they’re learned survival strategies. Therapy helps you gently recognize and reshape them.

The way you talk about your past matters

Attachment-based therapists pay close attention to how you tell your story, not just what you say. Is your narrative coherent and reflective? Or is it filled with confusion, shutdowns, or overwhelming emotion? These patterns offer clues about your attachment style and where healing needs to happen.

It’s okay to rupture—and repair

Misunderstandings or tensions between you and your therapist aren’t signs of failure. In fact, when handled well, these rupture-repair cycles build emotional resilience and trust. Holmes shows how even a session that feels like a setback can lead to deeper insight and connection later on.

Mentalising is a superpower

An attachment-informed therapist will help you build “mentalizing” skills—the ability to reflect on your own thoughts and feelings and those of others. This is crucial for improving relationships, managing emotions, and developing a stronger sense of self.

Growth happens through relationship

Ultimately, Holmes argues that it’s not just interpretations or techniques that bring change, but the quality of the relationship itself. Therapy becomes a space where you can feel seen, soothed, and supported—perhaps for the first time.

Bottom line? Attachment-based therapy isn’t about “fixing” you. It’s about creating the kind of relationship that lets you heal, grow, and connect more deeply—with yourself and others.

If you’re considering therapy, especially if you’ve struggled with feeling emotionally safe or connected in relationships, seeking out a therapist trained in attachment approaches could be a powerful step forward

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